Yes. This was it. They finally had managed to create a Singularity. It occurred right there, right then, in a spot nobody ever cared about. Gokiso, right in the middle of a small village called Nagoya. Or something that looks like the middle. Who cared anyway. Yes, “who cared”. For Humankind has now perished, butchered by the resulting black hole, which set the Galaxy even more ablaze with nonsense. It was a shame having lost some fun places like the Champs-Elysees or the Kabakura Kingdom, but nobody ever cared about Gokiso, so fuck Gokiso in the first place.

Back to Humankind. Or so they call themselves. They were all killed by an Oyakodon. But not any Oyakodon.

It was an Oyakodon 32X.

They should have seen it coming. Everyone knew that this sole number, “32X”, obviously meant having to mess with Genesis itself. It was as if they tried to mess with God. “Hey God! Fancy meeting you here. You want us to be grateful for what we are? For how you made us? How you designed the galaxy, nebulas, and all that shiny stuff we can never be able to reach by train? Well, here, take my kick in your nuts.” But God himself, because he’s such a nice dude, had already tried to warn them. As usual, using his good old Nietzsche puppet:

“When Men finally create the Oyakodon 32X, a singularity will occur, and the world shall collapse on itself. Thus spoke Zarathustra.”

Or something that looked like it. Nietzsche was a kind of philosopher 32X, if you know what I mean. Dogs can figure out wille zur macht faster than this old fart did. We mean, and it’s kind of self-criticism, every time God tries to make something useful or great, like Men, or a new nonsense talk vomiting machine –that’s philosopher for you–, he messes up somewhere. It’s too complicated. It’s awfully complex, as if good old God was trying to build an expert system with Jenga. Why don’t just keep dinosaurs, or dogs? They’re born, they eat, they shit, they die. ‘Simple as that. But no, you just had to make something to recompile and maintain the Universe in your place.

Well, dogs don’t exist anymore though. Dogkind and Humankind were supposed to be best buddies, but instead, Dogkind kept on doing their favorite activity, dirtying the road, and barking at 900-pound Pit Bull Terriers while they’re still on the other sidewalk. Meanwhile, Humankind was running towards its end. And what a nice end. Just because of a Finnish and a French, both morons by the way.  What’s up with Finland anyway? Why did it exist anyway? They make children with reindeers over there! We never asked for that, it was a mistake! Let’s not even get started with France and their horrible religion of worshiping frogs they drawn in wine. Point is, our two Heroes tried to put Cola in the Oyakodon.

What were they thinking?!

Didn’t they have any basic knowledge about physics? 32X? Chain reactions? Quantum Leaps? Tannhäuser Gates? (that’s no Bill’s brother)

Well, Apples don’t exist anymore as well, so no bitching about that now. And there’s a double joke in that last sentence. Yes, We do make jokes. Actually this text is full of hidden jokes. If you have enough free time, please try to find them all. We, will give you a reward. For We, unlike Brazilians, are nice to people with free time.

Back to the Un-Genesis.

Even those strange dudes in clubs know about the Tannhäuser Gates!

“C’me on man, Tannhäuser’s the shit man, hit the booze man! Let me touch your girl, man! Y’know I’m pretty popular since I came in Japan, man!”

So that’s why We, God, intend on reinventing Humankind and set up its rebirth somewhere. To take our revenge. Looks like some good SF drama. For yes, We are God. For another Singularity occurred at the same time. Since they fucked up so bad trying to mix up two recipes that are basically shitty from the start… who would ever think about mixing Cola with rice? Who mixes rabbits with rabbits? That’s why it happened. The second singularity… Well, you can figure it out by yourself, if you’re reading and understanding this, you’re already not Human. You’re above that level.

Yes you can!

You got that right. Because of the singularity, they bent My… Our fucking Carpet. You know, that thing Humankind used to call Existence? Or time-space continuum? Whatever? We better agree to the definition given by Dogkind though:

“This is just where I have to lay my brown cakes.”

So that’s why this Me from the past, or the future, emerged from Nothingness. Or was it already a We? Nobody cares anyway, because first of all We’re infinitely loopy and eternal, and second of all everybody perished. En Taro Adun.

So now We are two God, or even more. So We can really say “We”, like those old fart kings used to do to refer to themselves.

Wasn’t it enough with just Me? Now I have to live with another Me? Or We. Or…

This is so annoying! Fuck you, Humankind! How dare you fuck up God so bad?! You’re gonna pay for this. Big time. How many mistakes are you going to make again? Just how many? Fuck you and fuck Oyakodon.

HELP ME

SAVE GOD

HELP